Saturday, May 5, 2012

Swimming Sideways

   Judging from this photo, I know, it looks like we decorate with barbells. But you do what you have to as life rolls along.  In this case a 20-pound weight keeps the fish bowl from completely tipping over, it only leans in a lurch for awhile.  And I know it's a vase, not a bowl, but we won the fish at a carnival and I didn't want to invest in this venture. Forgive me.
   You do what you need to do.
    I got to thinking about the fish, and me. The month of May brings a ton of life changes for me and my family, and sometimes it feels like my tipping and  I'm swimming sideways. Today is one son, Mitch's college graduation followed immediately by the baby's prom (sorry Dexter, you understand). Next week is the Mitch's wedding with rehearsal and reception at our home. This is followed by the baby's graduation and party at the house. In this mix has been Wes going into the military, then not going, and now another son moving out west. Alongside this has been the birth of a great-niece contrasted by sudden loss of life for neighbors and family.
    It has been an emotional roller coaster which I realize is to be expected. I have cried a lot.  I have had complete meltdowns when I didn't see them coming. Once, at the bank drive through which is a personal favorite.  "Cash.... please." I said through sobs. I guess I was just doing what I needed to do.
    Walmart is also a great place to suddenly fall apart.  You can cry all the way through the store and checkout, I discovered. Big fat tears plopping out of your red eyes. But that was a couple weeks ago.
    Today is a much clearer day. Maybe I'm on that stretch of the roller coaster like on the Millennium Force (Cedar Point - you must go!) where you got all the screams out at the past-90-degree crazy dip and you sigh on the smooth recovery curve, enjoying the ride.  But I don't know, God doesn't give me a view of the next loop. It could be a doozie. But, I guess I know that it's OK to do what you have to, and sometimes that's a good cry in the middle of a shopping trip to Walmart.

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