Playwright David Monet said, "We all die in the end, there's no reason to die in the middle."
Everything feels like it's dying around me. I know, that's a dismal outlook. But give me a moment, my favorite cat, Ed, is dying. One of my baby ducks just died (Not the one in the picture...and I know they're ducklings but baby duck sounds cuter). And my heart gets heavy thinking of friends dealing with far weightier losses than these.
On a daily basis time and gravity have their way with me. The age fight feels just an inch away from looking like a train wreck. And it's been raining for freaking I don't know how many days!
Okay, but it is spring, there are beautiful flowers in bloom. And in fuller beauty is my family, and my husband. I am blessed in many more ways than this world is cursed.
So, about not dying in the middle. I ordered ducklings, as you've gathered by now. I don't have experience with ducks, but we have friends that do (and just for the record, that dead duck wasn't my fault....). I took a risk. Went on an adventure if you will.
Same way, a few weeks ago at a writer's retreat I jumped in a row boat to enjoy a little time alone on the water. I almost let standing water and spiders in the boat (the kind that run with superpowers on the water) stop me from the fun. I forced persistence. Nothing a smack with my flip flops couldn't handle...a few times along the way, with banging echoes across the pond. Those sitting on benches along the water's edge ended up entertained, not my intention, but okay. It was fun and I was so glad I didn't die in the middle (I'm referencing the quote, not my swimming ability).
I think this persistence is God bubbling up inside me and I choose to let Him stay...and bubble.
I'd be a liar if I said I always let Him bubble in my life.
Sometimes the rains really get to me. But not this time.
PS- About Ed. I may choose to live in denial and believe that he simply moves to California. From there he will update his Facebook with all of his surreal feline adventures. You can ask Edward Lee to be your friend on Facebook if you want to see what he does when he...makes the big move.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
One thing I needed to get done today was mail my Mom's Mother's Day gift and parents' anniversary gift (they fall on the same day this year). One thing. But several work duties, challenging phone calls, and errands in between buying the last item to put in the gift box and the send-off at the post office. About 90 percent of the day's duties were abnormally frustrating today. So when I arrived at the post office where the sign read closed at 4:15, and my watch said 4:16, and the window is under steel lock down I realized that I may have anger issues.
When I am boiling up like this the best thing I can do for the world is go running. Some people recycle to save the world, but my largest physical contribution is running. I am doing everyone around me a huge favor. Not everyone understands this though. Take for example, the people in vehicles that seem angry that I'm also using the road and don't give me any real safety buffer. Or the recent passenger who flipped me off for no good reason I can figure (for those of you who are unfamiliar with such gestures, that's a middle finger, the bird, an f-you!). Really? Did I deserve that?
Whatever, back to today. When I got back to my home office I managed a few email items, and conversations before I grabbed my iPod and running shoes. Very soon the words of the song Forever Young calmed and encouraged me. I started thinking about eternity and stopped yelling out loud to God about crazy life on earth (as if He hasn't noticed). Soon after that the happy exercise chemicals starting kicking in.
Back at home I completed a few little home repair projects with the boys' help and planted some flowers with more energy. I was a completely different person.
I know that taking care of myself physically (and in turn emotionally, mentally) does this for me. I've known it for many years and know that it is a must for me to be the best person I can be. You know, so I can save the world and all that.
So, why do I forget? Why do I put off what I know will benefit me?
Each time I get out of kilter I am baffled by myself. It's the same way with me and God. I wonder why sometimes He seems so far away. But I haven't been listening to His words. He left me a few written ones and lots of evidence of His work here. Yet, I put off what I know will benefit me.
Thank God I am reminded, refreshed, and on track again at the moment.
photo of Westley Lee (you'd rather see a picture of him running than me, trust me!) by Trevor Lee, www.tmleephotography.blogspot.com